I learned a few things today about the person that I want to be.
Today was full of the end of the school year stress where you are “putting away” this year to prepare for the next.
I realized that there were other things that I wanted to put away other than the desks, chairs, rugs, lamps, and school supplies.
In my closet I want to put away the fear of what the future might hold. Really the only thing that it holds is me- captive. I want to place it on the shelf next to my pencil sharpener and close the door. I want to take the next step, whatever that may be, knowing and trusting that God has plans to prosper me and to give me a hope and a future.
In my filing cabinet I want to file other’s opinions. The purpose of my file cabinet is to hold things that I eventually throw away. I wouldn’t be upset if that were the same scenario for this particular file also.
I want to put any anxiety and stress in my desk drawer; closing it up to be contained.
Sweeping away any doubts or “what-ifs”, dusting off the negativity, and trashing all of my insecurities.
The person that I want to be is just passed all of these things that hold me back from becoming her.
I want to be the person that likes all of your pictures on social media.
I want to buy from your small business just to show you that I believe in your work.
I want to be the person that encourages you when things didn’t go as planned; because really, what we think didn’t work out God is using to work it out.
I want you to have another baby if that is what your heart wants.
I want you to buy that house, or sell your house,
or go back to school, or learn a trade,
or get married, or not get married,
or lose the weight, or love the body you’re in,
or travel, or stay in your hometown,
or take the job, or quit the job,
I want to be the person that understands that everyone’s life season will look differently.
I want to show I know that my passions, dreams, and plans are not the same as yours; and that is ok.
I want you to be the best you.
I want you to be the happiest you.
I want you to be the most fulfilled you.
And I want you to live unapologetically.
Not sorry for choosing what you chose; even if what you chose didn’t work out the way that you wanted it to.
We all need people that are willing to embrace other people’s successes and encourage them when it seems like a failure.
We need more people that are more concerned with others happiness and less interested in the life society tells us we are supposed to have.
I want to be your biggest fan and your proudest cheerleader in every season that you go through.
None of us have all of this life thing figured out. It won’t all work out perfectly, but it will all perfectly work out.
The view at the top is worth the climb.
Let’s normalize it being ok for everyone to be in a different season of life.
You took a new job? Good for you!!!
You quit your old job? Good for you!!!
You’re staying at your current job!!! Good for you!!!
Let’s bring the joy and support back to “to each his own”.
Mama you made it to the end of the week. And if you’re like me, your dishes are piled high and the laundry is overflowing.
But can I just tell you something??? Leave. It. There. It’s ok!!
And you know that snarky comment someone made to you this week that stung your inner core?? leave it there too!
And you know those bags of guilt and shame you’ve been carrying around ?? leave it.
Those people that aren’t getting on board with your hopes and dreams?? Yep, leave em’!
Those lies satan has whispered to you all week about how unworthy and invaluable you are? leave them!
Unclench your jaw.
Yes right now, relax your face.
Drop your shoulders.
Close your eyes and exhale this week.
Release it all to your heavenly father who cares for your every heartache and concern.
I pray sweet sister in Christ that this weekend is full of peace and rest for your soul. I pray that a refreshing and a new anointing would cover you in Jesus’ name. I pray that you receive the renewed strength that he is offering to you. I pray that your next steps will be made with ease and that the enemies lies would be silenced.
Rest in his holy presence. Lay back against him and breathe, feel his heart beat.
“Don’t be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don’t hesitate to go public now. Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.” Matthew 10:27-31
I heard this quote the other day, “The devil wants to shame you in the area God is most likely trying to use you”. -Christine Caine
So I started to think about the areas of my life that have been shamed, I am sure you have those too; those deep parts of yourself that you don’t want anyone to know about.
Because then everyone would know that you really don’t have it all together, even though you make “hot mess” jokes from time to time.
But what if we really just vulnerably put our TRUE selves out there?
What if there is healing not only four ourselves but for other people in the testimonies that we try to bury the world from?
What if there is freedom just on the other side of revealing your truth?
What if people were real, and the imperfect-ness of social media was exposed?
What if your social media page wrote its true, authentic, self?
What would your status say?
What would be posted on your wall?
With trembling hands, I write my truth.
I am so tired of the devil shaming me in the areas that I am afraid people will find out about.
I admire people who can be authentically themselves, transparent, and free from other’s opinions.
I want to be the woman that only concerns herself with what Jesus thinks of her
So here’s my truth;
I am insecure.
People say that I am loud, overt, and social.
Authentically, I am most comfortable when I am alone.
I struggle with anxiety; social, separation, non situational, situational…
The enemy uses my anxiety to ATTEMPT to keep me from doing God’s work.
I sometimes allow “what if” scenarios to spiral out of control.
I have been in talk therapy since I was nineteen years old.
I want another baby but the depression that I had with my first two was so debilitating, I’m not really sure that I could make it through another pregnancy.
Sometimes I struggle with my purpose in life.
I get discouraged with the purpose of this blog.
My marriage has faced some effortful times.
Self worth is often astray.
Can we normalize being authentically real?
Can we stop allowing the enemy to shame us?
Can we just shine a light on these things, call them out, and move on.
There has to be freedom and self acceptance in speaking your truth.
I am in no way minimizing the God that we serve by speaking my truth.
I am just simply losing the grip the enemy has over my struggles.
I apologize for anyone that may have mislead you into believing that christians do not have struggles.
That is not true.
Being a christian gives you a loving father who never leaves you in your problems.
I have seen miracles.
I have received miracles.
I believe that God can heal every area of my life.
I also believe that God gives us wisdom to help ourselves.
If you want to lose weight are you going to pray to lose it and sit on the couch eating Cheetoes?
or are you going to use what God has given you to make the results happen?
My struggles are some of the very things that keep me in constant communion with the holy spirit.
God has given me the tools to rebuke the enemies schemes, to call peace to my mind, and to speak joy into my soul.
I pray that these battles that I have fought on my knees will one day be a testimate for someone battling the same things.
I pray that other women will begin to authentically choose the person that is truly them and not the one that is fabricated on social media.
I pray that people will start to speak their truth, aligned with God’s truth, in an effort to help other women.
So Satan you can take this shame somewhere else.
Because here it all is.
This is me.
An open book.
My very authentic, imperfect, self.
Redeemed and set free by a God who is perfect in every way.
I see you entering the throne room and petitioning God.
I see you ask.
I see you not receive, but you know that it is God’s will.
So even though yesterday you asked for the 10,000th time,
today you will ask for the 10,001st time.
Because that time might be THE time.
I see you in this season of planting, working the ground, and preparing for the harvest.
Even though really, you aren’t sure when that will be.
I see you….
Because I am you.
Im weaving baskets to collect the harvest that the Lord is preparing for me.
The longer that God keeps me in this waiting season, the more seed I sew.
The more seed that I sew, the more harvest will come.
Sister, I do not have enough baskets prepared yet to contain what he is going to release.
So I have to keep weaving.
I have to keep praying, going to church, seeing things with my spiritual eyes, standing on the foundation of his word…
Satan wants us to believe that this is the way our life is supposed to be.
If Satan can get you into a place of complacency with the way that life is right now,
then he doesn’t have to spend energy trying to withhold God’s harvest.
I love my life.
But I know that the way that it is right now is not all that God has for me- for my family.
The waiting season can get lonely.
This season is an opportunity for Satan to get you to quit; to not ask that 10,001st time.
Over the last 7 years, I have quit.
I have let Satan (temporarily) win.
I have given up.
I decided to do what was easier.
I stopped asking.
My sister in Christ,
Let’s let this year be the year that from January 2021 to January 2022 that we don’t stop.
And if you need to start petitioning God again today, it’s never too late to start.
Let this be the year that our baskets are made and are prepared for when God releases the outpouring of our harvest.
Let’s keep our mind focused on the preparation of the harvest.
I hope that when you left church today, you had a tear washed face because you had just had an encounter with the one who you know will provide.
I hope you know and understand that before a farmer can reap anything, he must prepare for the harvest to come.
I hope that while you wait, you will seek preparation.
Prepare means to make someone ready to do or deal with something.
Although I have been preparing for years for this harvest, I have quit on the process in between.
And when you quit tending to a plot of land, it requires so much more attention when you give it your attention again.
So this time,
The land is prepped, the weeds are being plucked, the seed is planted, and I believe that the Lord is just raining down on it and I’m weaving my baskets, waiting on the fruit to appear.
I don’t know what harvest you are waiting on, or how long you have been preparing for it;
But the lord gave me a vision of mine today:
God is seated on the throne.
Jesus is at the Father’s right hand, petitioning him on my behalf. And I can hear Jesus saying “God look at her. She’s faithful to us. She has been asking for this for a long time. She is preparing for this. Release this into her life Father. You said to ask and unto you it shall be given. You hear her asking. This time Father she won’t quit. Her spirit is different. She is at another level with us. The ground is ready. It’s even tilled a bit different this time. She plowed with a stronger backbone. And these seeds are rooted, planted deeper than every before. You are raining over this crop and now father let her see your production. Fill up these baskets for her God. You created the world in seven days Father, I know that you can fulfill this request in one. She loves you Lord. She has given her life to you. It is your breath in her lungs….”
Is it not great to have someone sitting directly beside our Heavenly Father that is asking God for things on our behalf??
And then I see this…
Jesus is carrying his cross up the hill to be crucified when the cross transforms into my request.
Jesus is carrying this for me. He did not die for me, or for this request, in vain.
There is heaviness in my request but Jesus makes the load lighter.
I am believing with you in your waiting season.
Will you be steadfast with me?
Will you continue to enter the throne room and make this request known to God?
What are you willing to do to ensure that you get this harvest?
Can you celebrate and rejoice with others when they receive the VERY thing that you have been asking for?
Are you willing to get up early?
Are you willing to stay up late?
Would you fast in the name of the Lord relying on Him to provide you with what you need?
I am still in a season of waiting;
but I am entering into a deeper season of preparation.
I want to be ready when this drops from Heaven.
I want my praise to be turned up so much that when this comes to pass, I can be sure to give God all of the glory.
I want my prayer life to be so in tune with God that when I pray and make this request known to God, hell trembles.
The more that hell wants to stop this from coming to pass, I pray that Jesus just rains down a little harder and the roots deepen in Jesus’ name.
I’m ready to write down my battle plan.
I’m ready to make sacrifices on behalf of this request to ensure it’s release.
This request is next.
We are the next one’s in line.
& I will celebrate and rejoice with every person that receives their request before I receive mine…. because I know that while I’m waiting, the windows of heaven are getting heavier.
& eventually they won’t be able to with hold the out poor.
As I continue seeking the release on my behalf, I would love to pray for you. I would be honored to enter the throne room on behalf of your request, your need, and your waiting season.
That is what sisterhood in Christ is for.
I come to you on behalf of my sister in Christ and I ask that the very desires of her heart, the request she has been longing to have answered, the things that she has been waiting for you to release; pour down like a monsoon over her life. I pray that in this waiting season she would deepen her preparation for your outpour but I also ask that you not with hold this blessing from her. Line her up according to your will to be able to receive from you. Allow her to experience all that you have in store for her and her household. Bless her when she comes and when she goes. When satan whispers lies in the waiting season I pray that they would be bound and cast out in Jesus’ name. When she prays Lord, let hell shake. Hear her requests. See her sacrifices Lord. Thank you for this beautiful woman of God who is waiting on you and your timing. Thank you for her faithfulness during this season. Strengthen her to not quit this time. To ask again. To not give up, go back, back down. Let it be, Lord. This time. This year. Thank you Heavenly Father.
Do you know that if the enemy sees you to start doing things for Christ he will do EVERYTHING in his power to get you to stop; to take you out, to quit, to sit down, step back, withdraw?
If you are not facing adversity in your life from the enemy then you are NOT doing enough to stir the devil up!
We faced some adversity this week and I am SO happy that we did.
Why? How can I be happy that the enemy is coming against us?
Jesus already won
the attack was against my husband, Brad, which means he is stirring up the enemy
[THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!]
So about 2 weeks ago brad worked some part time jobs and made $1400.
At church, he handed me some money from that and asked me to put it into a tithing envelope.
A few minutes later, he handed me some more money and asked me to tithe that as well.
That Sunday night I testified that Brad had tithed, being only prompted by the Holy Ghost fire and that God was about to use him mightily. I have sewn YEARS into this harvest and we are about to reap this beautiful crop.
Satan heard all of that.
He heard that Brad was surrendering to God.
He sees that Brad is going to church.
He hears our spiritual conversations.
& ya’ll he doesn’t like it!!!!
So Brad lost $700.
Which to middle class people is a pretty significant amount of money to lose.
Half of what he worked for, gone.
He tells me with a shaky voice that he can’t find it and it must have fallen out of his wallet and how sorry he is and that he will make up for it.
All the time that he fears my response I am talking to Jesus saying “Thank you Lord for showing me this attempt of the enemy to get Brad to stop tithing. Thank you Lord that he is stirring up the enemy. I praise you God that answer my fervent prayers and fulfill the desires of my heart for my husband to be the spiritual leader of our household”.
Ya’ll my husband is making the devil mad!!!
So my response,
“Brad the enemy wants you to stop tithing. He wants you to quit. But that is BLESSED money, and I don’t know where it is but it is exactly where it is supposed to be and what they enemy takes from us the LORD will give us a ten fold blessing.”
So satan take everything that we have so that the Lord can replenish us ten fold.
I cannot wait to see what God is going to do for us through this.
My husband is on a breakthrough and the windows of heavens are opening up on his behalf.
I cannot contain this holy fire that I have on the inside of me over losing this $700.
I didn’t look for it, rack my brain trying to find, make a public post about where-ever it is.
I DONT WANT IT!!!
I want what God is about to pour out to us because of it.
Ya’ll STIR up the enemy.
Make him mad on behalf of our Lord.
If you are under attack right now, know that it is because of your faithfulness in the one that sits on the throne.
Brad worked Saturday night until Sunday morning 7 am
I got both kids and myself dressed and to church on time (exhausted before I even got there)
Church, Mama’s Sunday lunch….
Dylann Blaire (18 month old) throws up all over me
Get home, take a nap…
wake up a very ill 4 year old to go back to church
Brad is home but had gout and can’t walk
So what does Satan do?
“Why are you even going? It’s too much effort. You’re tired. Just stay home. Nothing is going your way.”
Satan uses what is personal to you to attack you. Well, it has to be right? I mean, in order for his schemes to be effective and to keep you from your calling he has to be wise enough to attack you in your own personal struggles.
I did not FEEL adequate enough to spiritually lead my children to the house of the Lord. I did not FEEL as if I had the strength to persevere and overcome these attacks.
We made it to BOTH services but the enemy was NOT done in his attempts to take me out.
During the service Pastor David spoke about the attacks that the enemy had placed on him to try to get him to quit pursuing the work of the Lord; taunting him and using his own sermons against him. The exact thing that the enemy had been doing to me that entire day. His response to Satan was “You’re in the wrong house”.
After church was a meeting that revealed some needs regarding the kids ministry in the church.
side note: if you are dropping your children off into a kids service every week and aren’t serving in the church in some capacity, I assure you that you are disregarding your call to serve.
Anyways, I’m a yes man when it comes to the Lord and the needs of his ministry. So of course when the church had a need, I happily accepted to help in that area.
But you know what…?
He knew that if I went to church that night that a ministry need would be met and children would be taught the word of God.
On the way home from church he started again…
“What makes you think that you can teach anyone about God?”
“You aren’t good enough to teach God’s word.”
“You are inadequate and struggle with inferiority”.
“You are too weak to do anything for the kingdom”.
& on & on & on & on it continued.
Satan dragging me down, beating me up, trying to take me out.
I started to talk to God and I just thanked him that we had made it.
That despite my inadequate feelings I pushed though and the day was centered around Christ and his presence.
In the back seat I hear a little four year old voice start to sing…
“Nobody but Jesus” adding a “Hallelujah” every now and again.
A song that she had been learning in kids church.
It mattered that I didn’t stay at home.
It mattered that I pushed through and went anyway.
It is making a difference to have like minded people surrounding my children.
Satan HATES that.
He hates that I am raising WORLD CHANGERS, SOUL WINNERS, JESUS PRAISERS, HALLELUJAH SAYING, HAND RAISERS, ENEMY BINDING, GOD ABIDING, HAND LAYING, FAITHFUL PRAYING, KINGDOM KIDS!!
Why wouldn’t he do everything in his power to stop us?
Why wouldn’t he try to make me feel less that the daughter of the KING that I am?
We are in a “GET UP” season!!
GET UP for your kids.
GET UP for your marriage.
GET UP for your healing.
GET UP to break your strongholds.
GET UP to release your past.
GET UP to renew your mind.
GET UP to steady your steps.
GET UP to break generational curses.
GET UP despite how you’re feeling.
GET UP regardless of what the enemy is throwing your way.
GET UP on behalf of this nation.
GET UP, my sister in Christ Jesus!!! Now is NOT the time to stay home, to quit, to drop out.
This is the time to say YES, to fight, to stay in the race.
Are you thankful friend that we serve a God that prefers people that feel inadequate?
Aren’t you glad that he chose Moses when Moses said, “But, Lord, I am telling you, I am not a good speaker. I have never been able to speak well. And that hasn’t changed since you started talking to me. I am still not a good speaker. You know that I speak slowly and don’t use the best words.”
You see, I’m not the most qualified or sanctified, or certified. I’m just a 28 year old mama, using too much dry shampoo and drive thru happy meals that says YES to God.
Then the LORD said to him, “Who made a person’s mouth? And who can make someone deaf or not able to speak? Who can make a person blind? Who can make a person able to see? I am the one. I am the said to him, “Who made a person’s mouth? And who can make someone deaf or not able to speak? Who can make a person blind? Who can make a person able to see? I am the one. I am the LORD. So go. I will be with you when you speak. I will give you the words to say.”
I am capable because he is able and he uses me because I make my self available.
So Satan GET BEHIND us women who say yes to God.
Sit down, back up, shut up, because YOU are in the WRONG house!!!
Lord I thank you for the mama who got up yesterday, dressed children, fed them breakfast (even if they didn’t cook it), and hurried off to church so that the day may be yours. I pray that you see their efforts. I pray that on the days that the enemy tries to come against them in an effort to take them out of the game, that you will strengthen her to keep going. I pray Lord that she will see the effects that consistently seeking your presence has on her offspring. I pray that when she shows up, exhausted, that you will meet her there. Lord see her sacrifices to spend time in your presence. Whether she is leaving behind a sick baby or a sick spouse or even her phone for a few hours to spend time with you I pray that the heavens open up above her and you pour out your blessings. Bless her children, her family, and her home. For every yes that she makes on your behalf I pray that you make ten fold blessings on hers. Thank you God for mamas; for the ones that don’t quit, the ones that continue to choose your presence despite the attempts of Satan. Thank you for your strength and the desire to seek you. We all have the commonality of our “why”. It’s all because of you Lord.
When I woke up this morning I, like probably most Americans, checked the election results.
I got dressed for work just like I did yesterday.
I didn’t put on a red shirt… I didn’t put on a blue shirt.
I put on the full armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18 says:
“God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on y9our own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.”
I’ve learned a few things recently:
The peace, faith, salvation, and word of the Lord will be more useful to you than any elected official.
A good retinol serum will seriously diminish deep forehead wrinkles.
I am not red, nor am I blue. I am a child of the most high King and will only look to him for provision of me and my family.
No government or political party died on the cross for me.
Praising the Lord in the midst of mess confuses the enemy.
Jo Jo Siwa’s music should be banned from the U.S. #overit
A pandemic does not scare me, elections do not hold me captivated by fear, the future of America will not cause me to worry
Stop waiting for Friday; Mondays are beautiful!
In the end God wins it all!!!
let your focus be on above and not on what is in front of you
Home will always be the place where I grew up rather than my current address.
In the past several months, home has changed.
Age has really started to show its face on home.
It isn’t as vibrant and young as it once was.
Sometimes home is confused, unaware, unsure of its own surroundings, and just seemingly lost.
Home has been different.
Home is more dependent on me now than I am on it.
Home needs me now.
Home fed me, clothed me, raised me, instilled Biblical truths in me, guided me, disciplined me, loved me,
Now I check on home, worry about home, assist with home,
Home taught me how to care for it before it ever even needed care.
Today home called.
& today it was just like old times.
Today home took care of me, asked me how I was doing, worried about me.
Today I could hear that old, familiar, home sound.
I recognized home today.
Home recognized me.
I could feel all of those things that home makes you feel.
I loved being home today and I am so thankful that home called.
I didn’t want to hang up because I wasn’t sure if I would recognize home the next time it called.
So I just tried to stay in that sweet moment for as long as I could.
Thank you Lord for my home on Earth.
Thank you for preparing me a home with you in Heaven. A home where dementia and sicknesses are absent. A place where time doesn’t cause confusion because it doesn’t exist. A place where tasks, such as praising you, are simple and not immeasurably harder than they should be. A place where frustration from brain fog is unheard of.