The good, the bad, and the ugly..

I’ve written posts from a positive, uplifting mindset. Tonight, I struggle. And as I struggle I hear my spirit question me asking, “Can people not benefit from the struggle?”. I realize in this moment how masked we can often be. How easy it is to capture the good moments, yet neglect to tell when we are going through junk. I’m going through some junk. In my car this morning on the way to work my conversation with the lord was literally, “God I don’t even have the words to pray”. 

Someone asked me today ,”Hamby how do you make it all day long?”. Well, there’s scripture taped to my kidney shaped table along with this quote, “Practice the pause. When you’re in doubt, pause. When you’re angry, pause. When tired, pause. When stressed, pause. And when you pause, pray”. 

Have I failed to pause lately? Yes, more than I would like to admit. But I can only believe that the first word in the quote is “practice” for a reason.

Let’s be real. Let’s be ok with being in a valley. 

Valley moments are learning moments. Growing moments. Moments to self reflect. Moments to sit in god’s presence because the words to pray won’t come. 

1st Thessalonians says to give God thanks in ALL things (valley moments included). 

How do you say thank you in the valley? 

Well mine sounds something like this: 

Lord thank you for having enough confidence in me as a teacher to teach a variety of students this year. 

Lord thank you for the disagreements between my spouse and I. I realize how boring life would be if we agreed all the time. Thank you for having the freedom in my marriage to speak my mind. 

Thank you for Your miracles. For Scarlett. For drs reports that don’t add up with your word. For supportive husbands in this regard. 

Thank you for your mercy when I failed to pause. When I doubted, became angry, tired, and stressed. 

Thank you for this unforgiveness that I hold. Thank you for drawing near to me as I seek your guidance in letting it go. 

Most of all lord, thank you for allowing me to know that my valley moments right now are moments. And moments don’t last. They are temporary. 

When God laid it on my heart to share my writing- I didn’t realize how hard it would be sometimes to be vulnerable. To publish that vulnerability. To write authentically. 

This is me. A southern mama, teacher, and wife, that does not have it all figured out. A 25 year old simply still practicing the pause. 

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