Healing comes in many ways

There are times in life when you have to make decisions.

Hard decisions.

One choice closes a door. Locks it shut.

The other, provides a sense of health.

You have to weigh your options.

You have to decide how you will cope and deal with the guilt that will come along with the choice that you make.

How will my choice affect my daughter? My husband? My parents? My in laws?

Will they be able to accept the choice that I make?

Is the choice that I am making the choice that God wants me to make?

Am I quitting? Giving up? Is one choice an easy way out? Am I not strong enough? Am I making a decision too soon?

Decisions are not easy.

Decisions make determinations.

Some decisions we make instinctively, without thinking.

And some we have to pray about, ponder, think on.

For minutes. Hours. Days. Months. Years.

I try to the think of this decision as a FOR YOU decision.

A decision for my daughter.

A decision for my husband.

A decision for myself.

So when I ask myself if this decision is SELFISH, I realize all of the other people that I am also making this decision for- it is then that I am able to see the selflessness of it as well.

By making this decision I could potentially be taking something away- but it may be something that would never be given anyways.

Although I could be taking something away, I could also be giving something back. My health.

A healthy me for the people that I already have in my life.

So.

My decision to go back on a birth control regimen to maintain cysts and relieve pain has been made.

I throw my hands up.

I give myself permission to live the life that I have already been given.

If this decision affects you, I am deeply sorry.

My husband chose me today.

He chose what we already have.

He chose health.

I too, am choosing health.

I’m choosing an only child.

PCOS did not chose it for me.

PCOS did not win this fight.

Scarlett will form meaningful relationships with friends and family. I have already prayed for the brothers and sisters that she will have in Christ.

I must say that for those of you that think that God did not deliver, did not come through for us, let us down-

Let me tell you something.

We received healing. COMPLETE healing. Gods healing came in the form of a mended broken heart. A decision made. Overwhelming emotions, rationalized. A supportive husband. A mother in law on the other end of the telephone. A mama that loves my only like her own. Sister in laws that value cousin relationships.

I AM thankful.

We ARE blessed.

I encourage those of you that are seeking healing to listen to what God is saying. Seek his will. The Bible does say that god will give you the desires of your heart. My desire was for Scarlett to have a sibling. I realize now that I don’t have to give birth again for her to have those relationships. She has those already.

So all this time, I’ve been pleading with God… it was my perspective that needed to be changed. Not my condition.

I may have to live with PCOS this side of heaven- that physical healing may not come in my time. It doesn’t mean that I don’t believe that it can’t happen. I absolutely believe in the power of God. I also believe in hearing from the lord and listening to what he has to say.

I am so glad that we have shared our short lived journey with the people that mean the most to us. I hope that you too can see the healing in this.

This is our right now.

I’m happy.

No more heating pads, goody powders, drs visits.

Just a whole lotta Scarlett, Brad, and a very healthy me!!!

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