Don’t Pray for Patience

“Don’t pray for patience”. Ever heard that one? I used to be terrified to pray that I would be patient because I knew if I did, it would be tested.

Lately I’ve prayed for self worth.

I’ve prayed for unshakeable faith.

I’ve prayed that people would see my heart.

So out of those things, what’s been tested? All of the above.

Lord help me to love myself just as I am. Help me know that I am enough.

And the enemy tells me that I’m insufficient. I’m not doing enough in different areas of my life.

Lord I want to have unshakeable faith. I want to know that I know that I know that you’ve got my back and my life is In your hands.

Infertility sets in. Discontentment. A head ct just to be sure the symptoms are a medicinal side effects and there’s not something structurally wrong.

Lord I know that I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I cannot hide how I feel. Let people see the intent of my heart, the love, and the compassion in everything that I do.

Being viewed as emotional hurts my self esteem. I want to be strong and an overcomer. I don’t want a weak spirit.

I believe that God gives the strongest people the toughest challenges. And even my challenges are small in comparison to what others are facing. I also know that God cares just as much about my self worth as he does someone else’s life threatening sickness.

I know that I am weak, but in him I am made whole and strong.

I know that emotions are temporary and not defining of my spirit.

It’s by no accident that the very areas of your life that you are diligently praying for — the enemy is working equally as hard to make sure these prayers don’t come to pass.

And as I sit here, unfaithfully worrying, I’m reminded at how short lived this life is. That if a doctor tells me bad news tomorrow, I had today.

I’m reminded that although my faith seems the size of a mustard seed; that’s all the lord asks of me to have anyways.

I’m reminded that a kind spirit and a soft heart shows strength in the lords eyes and ultimately his opinion is all that matters.

I’m reminded that I am a daughter of a king… and if I’m treating myself less than that, I need to re-evaluate the treatment of myself.

How can you be a princess and not be confident?

Who will treat me better than I treat myself? And if I constantly feel inadequate, I am reminded that god always chose the most unqualified people to do his works. Which is perhaps where I come in, in all of this.

I am reminded that today is Monday. Tomorrow is Tuesday. And the next day after that is Wednesday. Tomorrow won’t stop for a head CT and Wednesday will follow suite.

I am going to keep praying for my self worth, my unshakeable faith, and that others will see the intent of my heart, Because Satan would love nothing more than to see me quit. He would love nothing more than for me to have negative self talk. He would love nothing more than for me to feel weak because of who God made me exactly to be.

I will not give him the satisfaction.

No matter the results of the test, I give god the glory for today. And for tomorrow. And for Wednesday. Because regardless, tomorrow is coming and I’m just thankful for today!

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