I won’t waste my (secondary) infertility

I can keep quiet.

I can silently mourn the absence of my second child alone.

I can cry without you knowing.

I can hide my tears.

I can smile when someone makes a baby announcement.

I can live life, silently fighting my own demons.

But I was called to not waste this time.

If I go through life never inviting people into my story, does my story have the purpose that it was intended to?

I couldn’t post this on Friday.

That test was negative, and so was I.

If you haven’t realized by now that everything that God does is on purpose…hear me now!

I went to church Sunday, fine.

I sang the songs. I went through the motions.

And when the preacher started preaching- I was the only person left in the room.

He was only talking to me. And although it was his voice, it was Gods direct words.

The only thing more he could of done was called me by my name.

“Why are you not enjoying your journey? Why are you always waiting for the next thing to take place?”

“I’ll be happy when…..”

Y’all I’m human. I have emotions. I’m not going to be positive every day. But God sure pulled me up out of my funk and said “hey, don’t let this time pass you by- there is beauty in the process”.

I pray that if it is not the lords will for us to have another child, that he will take away my hearts desire.

How can I say that? Because I know that his ways are greater than my own. I truly want his will for my life, whatever that may be.

And I want to enjoy the journey.

Are you enjoying your journey? I’m not saying your journey is the way that you planned for it to be. But. This. Is. It.

If we continue to wait for the next thing, we’ve missed all that he has intended for us to receive now.

Enjoy your journey.

Enjoy your process.

Cause if you don’t, Jesus is gonna slap you upside the head with some Pentecostal preaching.

(I always said that I hated when people posted pregnancy tests on social media 😂 well… there ya go! The things you do for the gospel)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s